


becoming equilateral

by JustThePlanets



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Pining, Polyamory, Seemingly unrequited love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-08 18:09:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20839802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustThePlanets/pseuds/JustThePlanets
Summary: Both Griffin and Brian make Pat’s heart feel lighter than it has in a long time. Which is why it’s particularly devastating when Brian comes into the office one day and announces that he and Griffin are dating.





	becoming equilateral

**Author's Note:**

  * For [segmentcalled](https://archiveofourown.org/users/segmentcalled/gifts).

> Thank you thank you thank you as always to segmentcalled who makes my words make sense. I couldn't do this without you. Also thank you for turning me on to this amazing ship that i die for every day.

Pat's crush on Griffin has always been a low-key thing. For one thing, Griffin is, y'know, probably straight, and for another, he's super out of Pat's league. Pat can't deny his crush, but the least he can do is try his best not to feed it. He wouldn't want to get his hopes up on a lost cause, is all.

When Brian starts working at Polygon, he again feels the familiar stirrings of a crush. The thing is, though, while Brian is also definitely out of his league, he does put out queer vibes that are brighter than the sun. So while Pat’s chance with him is slim, there is actually a chance, and maybe Pat lets that crush fester when he shouldn’t. But can you blame him? Brian is magnetic and Pat is simply caught in his gravitational field like the rest of humanity. 

These new feelings don’t actually snuff out Pat’s crush on Griffin though, which is. Unexpected. In fact, Pat’s feelings about Griffin aren’t diminished at all and that’s certainly a confusing thing to work through at the age of 30. He’s never considered himself as anything but monogamous before, but sometimes he lets his mind wander, lets himself draft fantasies that involve coming home to both of them and it feels so _ right _that he can’t imagine it any other way. 

But the point is, both Griffin and Brian make Pat’s heart feel lighter than it has in a long time. Which is why it’s particularly devastating when Brian comes into the office one day and announces that he and Griffin are dating. 

Announces is probably the wrong term, but the drama of the word really resonates with how Pat feels like his heart has been crumpled into a ball, like a receipt that’s seconds away from being tossed into the trash. 

What actually happens is Brian comes into the office all hesitant, but smiley as he sidles up to Pat’s desk. “Hey, uh, can we talk for a sec?” Brian asks and Pat’s treacherous heart flips. 

“Sure, of course.” Pat puts his computer to sleep and follows Brian into one of the call rooms, trying desperately not to read too much into the situation. He can’t get his hopes up, he can’t.

“So,” Brian says once the door is shut behind them. He sticks his hands deep in his pockets like he doesn’t quite know what to do with them and Pat feels wrongfooted, confronted with this meek version of Brian that he hasn’t seen since Brian’s first month on the job, when he still thought he would get fired for every little thing. 

“What’s up?” Pat asks, his voice laced with concern. 

Brian runs his fingers through his hair nervously. “You know Griffin pretty well, right?” 

Well, that’s not exactly what Pat was expecting. But, okay, he can talk about Griffin, too much sometimes if you believe anything Allegra says. Which you shouldn’t. This is fine. 

“Well enough.” Pat’s trying for nonchalance, but he doesn’t think he’s doing a very good job of it. “He’s a cool guy.”

“Cool. Cool. So, uh.” Brian clears his throat and fiddles with the cuffs of his shirt. Pat wants to reach out and take his hands to still them. “Can I trust you with a secret?”

“Yeah, of course.” Pat tries desperately to ignore the sick feeling in his gut. 

“So… Griffin and I are dating.” And before Pat has a chance to process, before his heart has finished plummeting, Brian continues. “His birthday is soon, and I don’t wanna fuck it up, you know? We’ve only been together for a few months. I was wondering if you had any gift ideas? Or just general advice even.” Brian is rambling now, and Pat really should save him, he should it’s just. 

A few months. While Pat has been thinking about how nice it would be to have their attention, even for a moment, they’ve been together, probably laughing at how far gone Pat is for both of them. And Pat wants to be happy for them, but he thinks his heart has just been carved out of his chest. 

Somehow Pat is able to paste on a convincing smile. Somehow he’s able to make his congratulations sound sincere. Somehow he manages to bullshit some advice that makes Brian leave with a relieved smile on his face. 

Somehow he manages to make it until Brian is gone to have a breakdown. 

He’s not proud of it. He’s a grown man, for crying out loud, and here he is, sitting in a small room at work and trying to hold back tears because two boys he liked are suddenly off the market. 

(It’s not sudden though. No, they’ve been off the market for a while, oblivious to Pat’s pining and it hurts, it hurts, it _ hurts. _)

But Pat’s a pro at burying his feelings, so he allows himself a few moments to quietly suffer, before he swallows his tears and gets back to work. Because he’s a grown man and capitalism waits for no one. 

Brian offers him a sweet smile when he passes his desk on the way to his own, and Pat’s chest aches. 

He has no one to blame but himself. He shouldn’t have let himself hope. No one would want to date an old divorcee anyway.

After that, Pat does what he does best. He withdraws. He stops hanging out with everyone outside of work as much, adds an extra day to his streaming schedule just to have the excuse if anyone asks after him. Eventually, they stop inviting him, though Simone makes sure that he knows he is _ always welcome, you know the usual spot if you ever wanna join us, buddy. _

It’s a nice sentiment, and Pat hopes to take her up on it when he isn’t feeling so raw. When the sight of Brian’s smile doesn’t send pain shooting through his chest.

And then. 

And then, Griffin announces his departure from Polygon and Pat... Well, Pat doesn’t handle that very well. 

He probably should have seen it coming. The McElroys were taking on more and more things outside of Polygon and they rarely had time to do videos lately anyway. Monster Factory is only being updated like once a month, if even that, and Awful Squad is taking a lot out of everyone. So it makes sense. 

Sense doesn’t stop him from dragging Allegra out that weekend and getting absolutely _ wasted _. 

It’s not even fun. The bar they end up at is sad and dark and they claim one of the few booths, which is sticky, because of course it is. And Pat just puts back drink after drink until he’s face down on the gross table rambling sadly about missed chances and not being good enough and Allegra is wonderful. She makes sure he gets home safe, lets him cry on her shoulder in the cab, texts him way too early in the morning as revenge for ruining her night out. 

That morning, while he’s lying in bed, hungover and wishing for the room to stop spinning, Pat wonders if he’s ever even going to talk to Griffin again. 

The thought hurts, but it’s a duller ache, a reminder of something he’s known for a while. Griffin is too good for him and Pat’s always going to be on the periphery of Griffin’s orbit, trying desperately to impress him with silly jokes or projects like ASMArby’s. It was a fluke that they even worked together in the first place. Pat never should have had Griffin’s attention, no matter how fleeting it was. 

Pat spends the whole weekend wallowing, which he knows he’s going to get an earful from his therapist for when he sees her next week, but he can’t bring himself to care. Not when it feels like his world is falling apart.

The world _ isn’t _ falling apart though. Everything is distressingly normal when Pat drags himself to work on Monday morning. No one else seems as bothered by this news as Pat, not even Brian who’s _ dating _Griffin. It’s just a normal day for everyone, and Pat is alone in his ridiculous angst fest. 

Well, he’s alone in everything else. Why wouldn’t he be alone in his suffering too?

Okay, that’s a little dramatic. Pat can handle this. He can sit at his desk and write up a script for the Nintendo Labo video that needs to come out soon if they want to get on top of it. He can brainstorm with Simone about the next Video Game Theatre. He can goof off with everyone on Slack while Clayton sets up the studio for Overboard. 

And for a while, his heartache fades into the background. He’s done this song and dance before. He relearns how to push it to the side so he can be a functioning human being and it’s fine. 

It’s still there though, and it flares to life every time he sees Brian smile fondly at his phone, every time someone mentions Griffin in passing, every time Pat lies awake at night wondering if he could have done anything different. 

But it’s familiar. He went through a divorce and came out the other side of it pretty okay. He can certainly handle a couple of unrequited crushes. He’ll be fine. 

One thing Pat didn't account for, though, is that now that Griffin has a reason to come to New York. He's visiting Brian. 

For two whole weeks. 

And he wants to see everyone. They’re having a party the day after Griffin flies in. 

Fuck. 

As much as Pat crushed on Griffin, they haven’t actually seen each other in real life a lot. Sure, there was E3 last year, and Griffin and Justin would make a point to see the Polygon crew anytime they were in town for a liveshow. But that’s pretty much it. Griffin’s been working remotely since long before Pat got hired. 

And god, those times Pat has seen him in person, Pat thought Griffin was straight and he was still a mess in front of him. He doesn’t really know how he’s going to handle seeing him with the new knowledge that he’s definitely not. 

Probably the same way he handles seeing Brian everyday. Badly. 

Pat can’t avoid him though, would never forgive himself for even entertaining the thought, so he shows up at Brian’s apartment ten minutes late with a case of beer and the obligatory _ why do you have two beds? _ joke and very deliberately does not lose his shit when Griffin sidles up to him and strikes up a conversation about his cat. 

Charles is a good topic though, safe even, and he lets himself fall into a familiar back and forth. He hadn't realized quite how much he missed Griffin’s whip-smart jokes and his obnoxious laughter and his bright smile and soft eyes and-

Okay, Pat has to excuse himself before he embarrasses himself. He spots Allegra talking to Brian’s sister, and he fumbles an excuse that is probably not very convincing, judging from Griffin’s furrowed brows, and makes his way over to her. 

“You okay, buddy?” Allegra asks as soon as he’s within earshot. He wonders how much of that she saw go down, if he was as obvious as he felt in the moment. 

“I’m too gay for this,” he mumbles and buries his face into her shoulder. She just laughs and pats his head. 

Allegra and Laura continue their conversation like there was never even an interruption, which Pat is thankful for. Allegra’s sweater is soft and it distracts him from the burning behind his eyes as he tries to focus on whatever Laura’s saying. Something about slime? 

Eventually though, he has to pull his head out of the sand, or away from Allegra’s shoulder at least, when she gently shrugs him off. 

“They’re both distracted,” she whispers so Laura doesn’t hear. “Go mope somewhere else.”

So Pat wanders away to let Allegra get her flirt on. He ends up collapsing onto Brian’s thankfully empty couch. He pulls out his phone and distracts himself with Twitter, letting the party happen around him as he nurses a beer he foraged from the kitchen. 

The cushions on the back of the couch dip with the weight of someone leaning on them. Pat doesn’t turn to look, assuming it’s just Allegra or Simone here to terrorize him into socializing and he’s really not up for that. 

At least that’s what he assumes until he feels warm breath ghost his ear and Griffin’s voice is quiet, almost sultry when he says, “We’re poly, you know,” right into Pat’s ear. Pat’s entire body seizes up and his eyes involuntarily seek out Brian who is dancing with Jenna on the other side of the apartment. 

“I know you like him,” Griffin continues, running a hand along Pat’s shoulder, “And he likes you too.”

Maybe it’s the alcohol making him bold, or maybe it’s Griffin’s overwhelming presence frying his brain and turning off whatever part of him feels embarrassment, but Pat turns to look at Griffin - gosh, he’s so close - and he says, “And you?”

Griffin blinks. “What about me?”

Pat pulls his legs up under him so he can turn more fully, so the only thing separating them is the back of the couch. “Do _ you _ like me?”

For once in his life, Pat’s not thinking about the myriad of ways this could go wrong. He doesn’t care that he might regret asking that in a few hours, or even seconds. He just needs to know, he thinks he might combust if he doesn’t, because yes, Brian is amazing, but if he could have both? He’d never forgive himself for missing that opportunity. 

Griffin’s face softens at the question. He loses the coy look in his eyes and he huffs out a breath like it’s been knocked out of him. “Christ, Pat, _ of course _I do.”

Pat doesn’t care that they’re at a party, surrounded by coworkers and friends; there’s nothing in the world that can stop him from surging up on his knees to pull Griffin into a kiss. 

Their lips crash together clumsily, the angle odd, but Griffin gets a hand in Pat’s hair and tilts his head, and oh. Pat’s not one to wax poetic about kisses, wouldn’t dream of comparing them to fireworks, but maybe he understands why some do now. It’s a tame kiss by most standards, chaste almost, and they pull apart after only a few seconds, but when they do Pat is out of breath and Griffin’s face is red. 

Griffin leans his forehead against Pat’s and lets out a little laugh. “And Brian?” he asks, trepidation laced through his voice. 

“_ Of course _ Brian.” Pat grins, and wow, smiling has never felt so natural. “I’ve been gone for both of you for the better part of a year. For you, even longer.”

Griffin’s face twists with something akin to pity, which Pat absolutely does not want. “You should have said something,” Griffin says and Pat pulls away just to poke the wrinkles in Griffin’s forehead. 

“And risk ruining our friendship and also my job? No thanks.” This time Pat’s smile is a little brittle and Griffin still looks upset. Eager to move on from the touchy subject Pat says, “It’s all working out anyway, yeah?” He strokes Griffin’s cheek with his thumb. 

“Yeah,” Griffin breathes out like he can’t believe this is happening. Pat can relate. 

“Am I interrupting something?”

Pat springs backward so quickly he almost falls off the couch. He manages to regain his balance, which is good because he doesn’t think Brian’s coffee table could support his weight and he doesn’t think he could afford to buy him a new one. 

Brian’s standing off to the side of the couch, his hands shoved into his pockets as he rocks back and forth on his feet. He’s clearly trying to come off as casual, but between the way his lip is bitten red and the wild look in his eyes, Pat can tell that he’s nervous as hell. 

Griffin doesn’t respond. He’s looking pointedly at Pat, and oh, he wants Pat to say something first. Which makes sense. Brian needs to hear it from Pat himself and Pat’s not going to just leave Brian hanging when they could be doing other things.

He very deliberately does not think of what other things they could be doing together. The three of them. 

“Course not, Bri. Come here.” Pat makes grabby hands at him until Brian is within reach, then he pulls him down onto the couch. 

It takes a moment for them to get situated and Brian almost knees him in the gut, but they manage to find a way for them to both kneel on the couch, angled so they can see both Griffin and each other. 

Brian is still looking apprehensive and he’s toying with one of the buttons on his shirt. Pat reaches out and take his hand like he wanted to do all those months ago. Brian’s breath catches when Pat runs his thumb along Brian’s knuckles. 

“Hey,” Pay says with a soft smile. 

“Hey yourself, Pat Gill.”

And Pat can’t not kiss him. He cups Brian’s face in his hand, marvels at the way his fingers splay across his skin, the tips of them burrowed into Brian’s hair, and Pat leans in and captures Brian’s lips with his own. 

Fireworks again. How has Pat been missing this his whole life? He loses himself in Brian’s mouth, working his fingers even deeper into Brian’s hair and holding him in place as he deepens the kiss. 

Someone clears their throat and Pat is distantly aware of the sound of Griffin’s laughter as Brian pulls away. Pat tries to chase Brian’s lips, but the someone clears their throat again, and oh yeah. They’re at a party. Surrounded by coworkers and friends. 

Pat tenses, his shoulders rising as he turns and catches sight of Simone smirking at them. 

“Sorry to interrupt what I’m sure was a very intriguing conversation,” Simone says, and god, Pat wants to bury himself in a hole, “but Laura has sent me over here with a message to Brian.”

There’s a flush across Brian’s cheeks and Pat is charmed enough by it that he almost misses his reply. “What’s the message?”

Simone clears her throat and pitches her voice up in an attempt to imitate Laura. “Gee, Brian, how come mom let you have _ two boyfriends _?” 

Griffin officially loses his shit and he collapses on the floor as he guffaws. Brian’s face turns even redder and even Pat can’t hold back his laugh even as his heart trips over the word ‘boyfriends.’

“Also,” Simone raises her voice so they can hear her over the sound of Griffin’s laughter, “she says to get out of her apartment before she burns it down to rid it of your gay cooties.”

“She spends too much time around children,” Brian shakes his head and gets to his feet. “Jonah!” He calls across the room and his roommate’s head snaps up at the sound of his name. “I’m being kicked out, so make sure Laura cleans everything up!”

Jonah gives Brian a thumbs up as Laura screeches. 

“Okay, we gotta bounce before she kills me.” Brian pulls Pat up by the hand and gently kicks at Griffin who is still sprawled across the floor. “See you at work, Simone!” 

Brian drags a laughing Pat out of the apartment, Griffin hot on their heels. Brian doesn’t let go of his hand even when they reach the street, though Griffin takes his other one, and now he has his hands full of cute boys. Griffin squeezes his hand with a soft smile and Pat’s heart melts. 

They dawdle in front of the apartment, the realization that they had no plan after this sinking into all of them. “My place?” Pat asks after a moment and Brian’s smile could rival the sun. 

“Hell yes!” He says and leads the way to the nearest subway station. What a sight they must make; three grown men walking hand in hand. Though, it is New York. It’s probably not the strangest thing anyone has seen today. 

The train is surprisingly not crowded, and they manage to find three seats together and Brian and Griffin squish Pat between them. They don’t talk much, too aware of the few people around them, and anxiety thrums under Pat’s skin, building as they get closer and closer to his stop. 

What if this is a mistake? What if one of them decides that, no, they’d rather not be with Pat actually, and the other follows? Or maybe it’s all an elaborate joke and everyone is going to make fun of him at work on Monday. 

Brian must sense his turmoil because he squeezes Pat’s hand tight and sends him a blinding smile that actually manages to calm Pat’s jackrabbiting heart until they reach his stop. 

The walk from the station to Pat’s apartment is a blur. The only thing Pat is aware of is Brian’s bright laughter and the way Griffin’s shoulder keeps knocking into his. It takes Pat a few tries to get his door open, his trembling fingers fumbling his keys, and then they’re all in Pat’s apartment. Alone. 

Pat hesitates at the door as Brian throws himself onto the couch. 

“Okay, let’s pick up where we left off! Griffin get behind the couch and Pat come here.” Brian pats the cushion next to him with an excited grin.

“You're such a dork,” Griffin says fondly. He ignores Brian’s pout and sits on the couch, leaving space in the middle for Pat. “Come on, we don’t bite,” Griffin says when Pat doesn’t immediately join them. “Well, Brian does, but that’s a different conversation.” He adds. 

“Hey!”

“Sorry,” Pat says as he finally takes a seat. “I’m just a little overwhelmed, I think.”

“I get that. It’s a lot.” Griffin takes Pat’s hand and links their fingers together.

“Yeah…” Pat says as he tries to even out his breathing. 

“Good though?” Brian asks, his eyes wide and maybe a little fearful. Like Pat could ever say no to him. 

“Yeah.” Pat smiles and it's a little shaky, but wholly genuine. “Really good.” 

There’s a moment of quiet and the three of them just bask in each other’s presence until Griffin lets go of Pat’s hand and slaps his thighs to get their attention. “So, okay, if we leave it up to you two punks nothing important will ever get said.”

“Hey!” Pat and Brian yell in unison. 

“I’m just gonna lay this all out, so there’s no confusion here,” Griffin says with his Serious Voice. “I like you, Pat. A lot. And I would like to date you and all that romantic shit.”

“Wow, I am feeling very seduced right now.” Pat deadpans even though his heart is doing a full gymnastics routine in his chest. 

“I also like you.” Brian is biting his bottom lip again. Pat wants to get his hand on Brian’s lip and pull it free from his teeth to rub away the indents they left with the pad of his thumb. “I’ve liked you for as long as I’ve liked Griffin.”

Griffin nods in agreement from the other side of Pat, which, huh. Interesting. 

“I would love to go steady with you. Both of you.” And that’s such a Brian thing to say, Pat’s heart feels like it’s going to burst out of his chest, like in Alien, but without the weird egg-laying and death and aliens, so not at all, really. 

Horrifyingly, Pat feels tears welling in his eyes. “There is nothing I would love more than to uh,” oh, fuck his voice broke a little there, but he doesn’t stop, can’t stop, “go steady with both of you.”

“Awww, Pat! Come here and kiss your boyfriend!” Brian doesn’t give him a chance to reply, he just crawls half in Pat’s lap and plants a sloppy kiss on his mouth. 

“Wait, me too!” Griffin shoves his way into their space. “I also want to kiss Pat!”

Brian pouts and wraps himself around Pat. “Get your own Pat.”

“I did!” Griffin says, indignant, “He’s right here!” 

“Oh my god, you guys,” Pat laughs and gently pushes Brian off his lap so he can kiss Griffin. 

This goes on for a few minutes, all of them trading silly kisses and play fighting about whose turn is whose. Pat’s heart is so full. He never thought he’d be lucky enough to have this. 

Eventually they get tired of messing around and Pat pulls up a random show on Netflix to have on in the background. Somehow, Pat ends up sprawled across both of his boyfriends’ (!!!!!!!) laps, his head in Griffin’s, who is carding fingers through his hair, and his legs thrown across Brian, who keeps trying to find a ticklish spot and failing. 

Eventually he’s going to discover the spot behind Pat’s left knee and he’s going to get kicked, but that’s a problem for future Brian. 

In a flash of vulnerability during a lull in conversation, Pat says, “I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and this will all have been a dream and I’ll be alone again.”

Pat braces himself for pity as soon as the words leave his mouth, but what he gets instead is Brian gently squeezing his thigh and saying, “Please, you’re going to wake up tomorrow in bed with us.”

Griffin hums in agreement. “And then we’re gonna take you on a proper date somewhere.”

“Fuck yeah, we’re gonna date the hell out of you.” Brian agrees and gives Griffin a high five.

Pat shuts his eyes, overwhelmed, and tries to commit this moment to memory. “I’d like that,” he says, and if his voice catches a little when he says it, well, Brian and Griffin are kind enough not to point it out. 

And in the morning, Pat wakes up to Brian wrapped around him like an octopus and Griffin sitting cross-legged on the floor, scritching Charles behind the ears and looking at something on his phone.

“What do you think of tex-mex for brunch?” Griffin asks and he doesn’t duck the pillow that Pat throws at him in time. 

“That sounds like a fucking nightmare,” Pat says. 

“And we’re absolutely going,” Brian says, his voice muffled by the fabric of Pat’s t-shirt. 

“I hate you both.” Pat shoves Brian away and pulls the blanket up to cover his face. 

Brian sticks his head under the covers and gives Pat a sunny smile. “You love us.” 

“Yeah,” Pat says, his face hurting from the strength of his smile and he doesn’t even care that they’ve only been dating for like twelve hours when he replies. “I do.”


End file.
